you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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