i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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