life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize