Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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