Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
