Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
