I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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