There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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