i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
