Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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