I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I need a burrito and a hug.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
