Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
