OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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