where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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