never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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