i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
