Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
