I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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