I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm too high and old for this...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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