I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
