I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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