If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
