For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
