I think my vagina is haunted
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
