Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
