She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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