Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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