We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
