if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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