i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
