She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
