I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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