its not stalking. its research.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
