i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
