You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
