Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
