just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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