If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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