my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
