I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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