I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
