I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
