I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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