we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
