just come out here and I will go home with you...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
