just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
