I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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