you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
