i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
