Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
