Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
