just tell him i said nine months
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
