sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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