Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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