after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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