Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
