I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
